


Dishonorable Discharge

by DRHPaints



Series: Barry and Amber [5]
Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Body Image, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Guns, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Weight Gain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: When Amber gains weight as a result of her psych meds, it makes her self conscious, but Barry adores her curves, developing a particular fixation on her ass. Seeing he's too sheepish to ask for what he wants, Amber gladly treats an excitable Barry to a new sexual experience. Later, Barry comes home and, previously the location of many wonderful dreams, what waits for him in the bedroom with Amber is his worst nightmare.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Barry and Amber [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015437
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Dishonorable Discharge

Folded eggs flopping with a sizzle, Amber balanced on one foot before the stove in her panties and tank top, stomach roaring. As grateful as she was that the antipsychotics were working, no more voices, and a significant drop in her other symptoms as well, she could certainly do without the constant, almost compulsive need to cram any and everything into her face.

At first, when Amber caught herself lifting a third tray of cookies out of the oven and realized she already devoured the first dozen before they fully cooled, she panicked. Her initial thought was not a medication side effect, and Amber rushed to the drug store for a pregnancy test. Slumping to the floor in relief when she saw the single pink line, Amber pondered what could be responsible for her insatiable need to inhale. It was then she tracked the date back not to a missed period, but to her filled prescription. 

In addition to difficulty wiggling into her lingerie, Amber’s brain was oddly...blank. It was as if in order to erase the things that weren’t supposed to be there, the pills also skimmed away a layer of Amber’s personality. 

Amber had no idea how bad she allowed things to become in the unkempt attic that was her mind until the meds took effect. It wasn’t until an absence presented itself that a curiosity tickled her, and one afternoon as she curled next to Barry while he played video games, she gave his thick thigh a squeeze.

“Hey Barry, um…” Large hands twisting as he maneuvered the controller, Barry didn’t look over as she shifted next to him. “Do you...when you look at things...do they have like...light?”

Furrowing his dark brows at the screen, Barry mashed a few buttons. “What do you mean?”

“Well like…” Fingers groping in the air, Amber searched for words to describe a phenomena she didn’t fully comprehend herself. “Like when you look at the coffee table, for instance.” Amber pointed at it. “I mean...you see the coffee table, right? But do you also see like...lines? Like...um…” Swallowing, Amber sat up and folded her hands in her lap. “Like an outline around it that...kind of...hovers. And...it…” Voice shrinking, she rubbed her palms together. “Buzzes. Has...a color sometimes or extra...dimensions...shapes.”

Barry paused his game. Turning to Amber, he reached over to take her hand. “No.” Tone gentle, Barry interlaced their fingers. “Honey, I’m sorry. I don’t. Do you?”

“Not anymore.” Amber shook her head. Meeting Barry’s cobalt eyes with a half smile, Amber shrugged. “Up until now, I did though. Around everything. Everyone. All the time.” Tossing up her hands, Amber chuckled in defeat. “It’s been going on so long, I really thought the world just looked like that.”

Barry combed back Amber’s crimson locks, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I’m glad things are getting clearer for you now.”

“Me too.” Grinning, Amber nestled back into him as Barry resumed his jaunt around the racetrack.

But now as Amber touched a hand to her pudge, she frowned. For the first time since she began dancing years ago, Amber no longer wanted to strut proudly when she shed her clothes before a crowd. It didn’t help that the club owner made a crack that he was going to need to reinforce the pole if she got much bigger.

Curling in on herself and eyes red, after that day Barry held her, told her she was beautiful no matter what. Amber smiled and nodded, figured:  _ Yeah, of course. He has to say that. He loves you. _

But, as time progressed, Amber came to realize Barry’s appreciation of her plumping curves was genuine. Particularly when it came to her ever-expanding backside. Lately Barry’s big paws were never far from her ass, pinching with a chirp, smacking with a squeal, and as his focus turned to fixation, Amber grew suspicious.

Padding into the kitchen with a yawn, Barry scratched his little belly. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” Amber grinned, jostling the pan a bit as the edges crisped.

“Mmm…” Humming, Barry pulled Amber’s auburn tresses to the side, stubble chafing as his lips moved down her neck, grabbing two handfuls of her round ass and rubbing his waking erection between them. “Looks delicious.”

“Thanks.” Amber chuckled, scratching under Barry’s chin. “Southwestern omelette. Almost done.”

Capturing her earlobe with his rounded teeth, Barry separated Amber’s cheeks, clothed cock bearing forward. “Wasn’t talking about the food…”

Giggling, Amber craned back, green eyes studying him for a moment before patting Barry’s rough cheek. “You’re so funny, Barry.”

“Oh yeah?” Thrusting her against the stove, one of Barry’s hands dipped below the collar of Amber’s tank top to cup a breast while the other continued to knead her ass. “Why is that?”

“Well, you’re just so…” Amber grinned, jostling the eggs with the spatula. “Transparent. I know what you’re after.”

Barry chuckled, hips rolling against her as the warmth of his tall frame encompassed Amber’s body. “Well, yeah. I mean, it’s not like I’m being subtle here. Obviously I’m hoping to get back in bed sometime before or after breakfast if you’re in the mood.”

“Yeah, but…” Amber tilted up her chin to look at him, eyes narrowed. “Somehow I think your goals lately have been more...specific.”

Mouth muffled against Amber’s skin, Barry’s burgeoning erection continued to glide into her crack. “What do you mean?”

“Aw, come on, Barry.” Smirking, Amber squeezed his carved forearm. “It’s obvious. You’re just too shy to say it.” Amber cupped his cheek, lifting an eyebrow. “You want to fuck me in the ass, don’t you?” 

Barry froze, blinked, and straightened his tall stature. “I...I didn’t say that.”

Laughing, Amber shook her head. “Barry, honey, you didn’t have to. It’s so obvious.” Pink hue inching up his pale skin, Barry’s fingers tapped at his thick thighs as his sapphire eyes darted. Turning off the burner, Amber covered the pan and leaned against him, arm snaking back into Barry’s chestnut waves. “I know you want it, Barry…” Amber kissed the joint of his sturdy jaw, hand hooking around Barry’s waist to draw him back in. “Don’t lie. You’re just too afraid to ask for it…”

Eyes closing, Barry let out an audible exhale, molding his body to Amber’s and tucking against her neck. “You wanna fuck my ass, don’t you, Barry?” Amber bent her knees, sliding herself up and down Barry’s turgid cock with agonizing slowness as his huge hands separated her cheeks, grinding forward with a gasp. “Wanna put your big cock in my tight ass? Hmm?”

“Mmhm…” Barry nodded urgently, hips striking with such force that the spices balanced on the upper rim above the stove scattered as Barry slammed Amber forward. “Fuck. Yes…” Powerful arm crossing the front of her chest, his mouth moved greedily over Amber’s shoulder. “Fuck, I want to so bad…”

“I know you do…” Buffing him with her swirling hips, voice an alluring whisper, Amber tried to catch Barry’s lips but they dashed excitedly over her cheek, her neck, her back.

“Are you…” Voice cracking with the strain of his desire, Barry snatched at her panties, hastily tugging them down. “Are you really gonna let me? Huh?” Pushing his boxers off, Barry notched his raw cock inbetween Amber’s asscheeks and began humping wildly, Amber bracing herself on the counter and spreading her legs. “Huh? Can I? Really?”

“Yes, Barry, but…” Grasping his wrist firmly, Amber shook her head. “Hold on. This is something we have to do slowly, okay?”

“Okay.” Barry stopped moving and took a steadying breath. Stepping back, he lifted his boxers. “Sorry, I just...got excited.”

Smiling, Amber hitched up her panties and touched his gritty cheek. “That’s okay. Come on.” Barry fidgeted his way to the bedroom as he followed Amber, assuming her slow, switching hips were meant to torture him.

It worked. Amber paused in front of the bed, bending at the waist and inching down her panties as she peeked over at Barry with a tantalizing smirk.

“Oh fuck…” Goosebumps breaking out over his pale skin, Barry’s cock begged for attention as he watched Amber peel away her tank top, casting it aside before rummaging in his bedside drawer for the lube.

“Alright.” Passing it to Barry, Amber took in his incessantly moving limbs and restrained her laughter as she unclasped her bra. “Start with your fingers. And remember, slow. It’s been a while, so…”

Barry nodded altogether too quickly. “Right. Okay. Yes.” Getting on her hands and knees before him, Barry spent a solid minute simply staring. “Oookay. Right.” Barry hurriedly disrobed and approached Amber, touching her hip.

“Oh.” Amber craned her neck back. “And use your left hand. So that if you finger me later when you’re, you know…” Teetering her head, Amber smiled. “Inside and all. No cross contamination.”

“Ah.” Barry bobbed his head, Squeezing out the lube. “Good point.” Warming it before he touched her, pinpoints of sweat broke out along Barry’s hairline as he folded his lips under and he told himself to calm down. Massaging delicately over the tight circle of muscle, Barry peered up at Amber. “Is this okay?”

“Mmhmm.” Relaxing under Barry’s careful ministrations, Amber went down to her elbows. “You can start with a finger if you want.”

“Alright…” Barry wiggled his index finger forward, the promise of the intense pressure causing his cock to twitch in anticipation. 

Resting her head on the bed, Amber was acclimating to the sensation of Barry’s fiddling digit when she felt something scratch against her skin. Coming to her palms, she turned around to see Barry nestling his cheek against her ass. Amber grinned. Though she couldn’t quite see his expression, Amber knew Barry well enough by now that picturing it was no problem. And the idea that Barry, sapphire eyes soft and pink lips possessing a secret little smile, observed her ass with cherishment, with love, was almost too adorable to bear.

“Alright, if you want to put in another one.”

“Okay...” Barry kissed her cheek before slipping his middle finger in alongside, free hand rubbing circles into the small of Amber’s back.

“Scissor them.”

Blinking, Barry looked up at Amber. “What?”

Amber bent back, demonstrating. “Scissor your fingers apart. To stretch it out.”

“Oh...okay.” The edges started to gradually release as Barry worked his way around. 

Spreading her knees wider, Amber repositioned herself and pushed her hair out of her face. “Alright. I’m ready. Oh…” Amber caught Barry’s eye. “Use a little more lube than you think you need, okay?”

“Alright. So…” Biting his lip, Barry took a slow step toward the bedside stand. “I’ll get a condom then…”

Chuckling, Amber narrowed her eyes at him. “You don’t have to use one, Barry. It’s fine.”

“Okay.” Voice squeaking out high and irregular, Barry positioned himself behind Amber, then paused. Walking to the side of the bed, Barry plunked down next to her, cupping Amber’s face and swooping in for a kiss. “Hey, um…” Oceanic eyes studying her, Barry smiled, bobbing his head. “Thank you. For this.”

Amber combed back his chestnut waves. “Aw, you’re welcome, Bar. But you know I’m into it too, right? I wouldn’t do it otherwise.” Linking their lips, she polished Barry’s sharp cheekbone with a grin. “I’ve never really minded it. And it turns me on to make you feel good.” Amber tickled under his scratchy chin. “I love seeing you so excited.”

Giggling, Barry took her hand and kissed Ambers fingers. “Good, that makes me feel better.” Barry threaded a scarlet strand behind Amber’s ear. “I didn’t…” Cutting his eyes away, Barry shifted uncomfortably. “I think I would’ve felt really bad after if you didn’t like it.” Rubbing her forearm, Barry swallowed. “Sorry, I...I should’ve...this is probably something we should’ve talked about first.”

“It’s okay, Barry.” Amber touched a hand to his broad shoulder, shaking her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We were both on the same page. It’s fine. But it’s nice to know that’s something you think about.” Smiling, Barry squeezed her hand. “Okay, you ready?”

“Yeah.” Standing, Barry circled back around, slathering his cock and Amber in the sticky liquid before positioning himself. “Are you ready?”

Amber took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and commanding her muscles to release. “Yes.”

Barry tipped forward with careful precision, stopping with the wide head of his cock half inside at Amber’s gasp. “Are you okay?”

“Yup.” Amber exhaled, blinking. “Just...give me a minute.” Loosening around him slightly, Barry massaged Amber’s lower back while he waited. “Okay. You can keep going.” 

Entering another inch and a half, Barry’s fingers dug into her flesh and his nose flared at the intoxicating clutch, but Amber let out a squeak that made him freeze. “Honey?” Barry caressed her hip. “Are you alright? If you want to stop, it’s--”

“No, I’m fine.” Amber nodded, shifting her legs apart. “Really. It’ll just take time. You know, because you’re so big.”

Frowning down at himself, Barry lowered his voice. “I’m sorry…”

Amber chuckled, Barry sensing the slight additional tugs around himself with her mirth. “Oh Barry, honey. Don’t ever apologize for that.” Angling her pelvis up, Amber nodded. “Alright. Keep going.”

After a couple more breaks, Barry fully sheathed himself in the hot grip of Amber’s depths. “Can I…” Lungs catching, Barry closed his eyes as he twirled over Amber’s clit. “Can I move now?”

“Yeah.” Slickening beneath his touch, Amber rolled her neck and her auburn waves tumbled over the sheets. “Go ahead.”

Barry retracted and the pull on the paper thin skin of his tender cock caused a high, fluttering note to creep between his rounded teeth. “Oh my fuck…” Thrusting back inside, Barry hastened the movements of his fingers between Amber’s thighs. “Amber, I...fuck, this feels so good…” Swerving his hips, Barry told himself to keep his movements gentle, restrained. “I...I’m not going to last long.”

“That’s fine.” Amber rocked back against Barry’s large hand, a soft moan escaping her as he rotated inside. 

Every exhale ending in a wavering hum, Barry undulated his tall frame, the desire to pound, to hammer, nearly irrepressible as Amber’s rising sounds of ecstasy bore into his brain. “ _ Oh fuck!” _ Thrumming over her clit, Barry nodded urgently to himself as his pelvis surged forward. “Amber, I...I want to make you cum. Can you cum for me? Huh? Please?”

Panting in the sheets, Amber rested her forehead on her fists. “ _ Yes! Yes, BArry, I’m close...Fuck! You know just how to touch me. Don’t stop! Please! Fuck!” _

Barry scrunched his feet in the carpet, wheezing as he clapped against Amber’s ass and vigorously scrubbed her engorged clit. “ _ Yes! Fuck! Cum! Please! Oh fuck! Please, Amber! Yes!” _

Bearing back against him, Amber moaned, fluttering around Barry’s driving cock. “ _ Yes! Fuck! I’m cumming! Yes! Yes!” _ Thighs shaking, Amber fisted her hands in the sheets, violently constricting around Barry’s sensitive cock.

“ _ FUCK!”  _ Barry pitched forward, hissing as his hands clamped over Amber’s hips. Humping, Barry’s muscular thighs smacked against her and he placed a large hand on Amber’s back, voice reedy and desperate. “Amber, honey, I...I’m gonna cum, but...just…if it’s too much tell me to stop, okay, just…” Tucking his chin down, Barry’s face screwed up and he shook his head. “Just...just say so.”

“No, keep going.” Amber breathed, elbows braced. “You’re fine. Cum inside me, Barry. I want you to. Come on. Cum in me.”

“ _ Oh yes! _ ” Barry cried, throwing his hips forward and tossing his neck back. “ _ Amber, yes! Yes, fuck! Fuck! I’m cumming! Yes! Fuck! FUCK! _ ” Knees buckling, Barry folded over her as he wheezed, falling still. Then with a sound a tad short of a shriek, Barry’s pelvis shot forward, hot cum throbbing into Amber as his left eye incessantly twitched and a squirming shudder rocked over his pale skin.

“ _ Fuck, fuck, fuck _ …” Pulses of Amber’s body overwhelming, Barry’s head ticked irregularly to the side as though he had an itch he couldn’t scratch before he pulled himself free, puffing out his cheeks and flicking out his wrists. 

“I’m sorry.” Barry flopped down next to Amber on the bed, gasping and laying a hand on her arm. “It was just...too much.”

Curling next to him, Amber’s fingers danced through Barry’s dark chest hair and she smiled. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I’ll say.” Barry’s expressive eyebrows shot up and he started giggling. Shaking her head, Amber kissed his scratchy cheek, tossing a leg over Barry as his strong arm pulled her in with a smile.

***

Headphones in, Barry toed off his sneakers as he entered, polishing off the last of his bottle of water and setting it in the recycling. Music flooding his ears, Barry padded down the hall toward his bedroom.

Amber. Gun held and eyes wide.. 

“ _ DROP IT!”  _ Barry roared, yanking the headphones from his ears, pointing and advancing. Shrieking, Amber tossed the weapon on the bed as though it were venomous, covering her face with shaking hands and backing up until the wall prevented her escape. 

“I’m sorry, I…” Lowering his arms, Barry blinked. “I didn’t mean to yell.” Barry swallowed. Looking down, he saw the open duffle bag, no less than a dozen guns of assorted makes and their clips within, shiny and piled together like dead fish. Barry took half a step forward and Amber cowered, acid eating into the flesh of his heart. “I...it just scared me. To see you holding that…”

“Barry, I…I went in the closet because, um…” Voice wavering, Amber studied the floor, the image of Barry’s feral expression when he walked in flashing against her mind every time she blinked. “Because I...you know I wanted to...I wanted to…” Swallowing, Amber rubbed her arm and her words poured out quickly. “I wanted to get back to the gym, right? So, I, um...I was going to use your membership, and, and, and, I…” Head shaking. Amber’s head wouldn’t stop shaking and as Barry stared he wanted nothing more than to say whatever combination of words he could that would make her stop. “And I found…” Amber hugged herself in her bra and panties, green eyes darting between Barry and the bag, “Barry, why do you…” The windowsill dug into her shoulder as Amber tried to force herself away. “Why do you need so many guns?”

Barry sat on the bed, head in his hands. Closing his eyes, Barry thought that maybe if he breathed, if he was quiet, maybe when he looked up this wouldn’t be happening. There wouldn’t be a gun next to him. There wouldn’t be the question he feared more than any other clawing its way across the floorboards, refusing to be ushered back into silence. 

Amber wouldn’t be afraid of him. “Barry…” Voice small, Amber’s instinct was to go to him, to comfort, but terror kept her feet glued and her body trembling. “Barry, you’re...you’re scaring me…”

Inhaling, Barry folded his hands, blinking down at the guns.  _ It’s done. _

“I use them for work.” Speaking softly, all of Barry wanted to look at her, to soak Amber in, her beautiful face, her loving body.  _ But not like this _ . “I…” Barry closed his eyes, letting his head fall. “I do hits.”

The guns. The money. Barry couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her engine when she asked him to look a couple of months ago and it turned out all Amber needed was a new spark plug. Breath hitching, Amber pressed her palms flat behind her, and when her words came out, her throat barely granted a hoarse whisper passage. “Barry, you...kill people?”

First tears breaching, Barry made himself nod, made himself inhale, exhale. Barry didn’t want to breathe anymore. Barry closed his eyes.

Hands scuttled over his face. Barry blinked, pulling his head back to see Amber, emerald gaze wild as her fingers patted over his arms, his chest, his cheeks. “Amber, what…?” Barry shifted on the bed. “What are you doing?”

“How…” She pulled on his dark hair and Barry winced, raising an eyebrow. “How am I…” Amber touched the bed, moved to the dresser, the lamp. “How do I know…” Barry’s mouth fell open and he furrowed his brow. Backing up, Amber’s hands started darting over herself. “How do I check?” First her touches were light, exploratory. Then Amber kneaded. Scratched. “It…It might still…” Head shaking, Amber’s voice rose. “They can still...they can still hurt. I’ve heard that.” A frantic nodding overtook her and Amber slapped her cheek.

“Amber, what are you doing?” Barry stood, alarmed but worried that if he approached he might make things worse.

“How do I know, Barry?” Cracking a palm across her face, Amber shrieked. “How do I know this is real? How am I…” Amber sank a punch into her own jaw with a thud. “How am I supposed to tell? I knew it! _ I knew it!”  _ Screaming, Amber backed into the wall, beating her fists against her head. “I’m crazy! I’m fucking crazy! I’m locked up somewhere, right?  _ RIGHT?” _ Green eyes flooded, they pleaded with Barry. “You’re not even fucking here, are you? I’m...I’m…” Hitting herself with the heel of her palm, she crashed her skull against the wall. “ _ You’re not real! It’s not real! IT’S NOT REAL!” _

Panicked, Barry rushed forward, clasping Amber’s wrists and holding them away from herself. “Amber, I’m real…” Barry looked down at her, Amber’s emerald eyes ping ponging around the room as she violently shook. Sniffing, rivulets trickled down Barry’s rough cheeks as he rested their foreheads together. “It’s real…” Barry brought her arms to his firm chest, whispering. “I just don’t want it to be.”

A sob choked out of Amber. Barry encased her in his powerful arms, tucking his face into the crook of her neck. Vast shoulders quaking, Barry’s tears fell hot and wet on her pallid skin as he gasped again and again. “ _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” _

Slumping to the floor, Barry rocked them back and forth. Amber’s fingers tore at his shirt, sorror draining into the fabric. Amber still didn’t know. If this was reality. A hallucination. A dream. On more than one occasion, her brain was needlessly cruel, taunting Amber with horrors, tricking her with a shadow, a glimmer. So for her mind to lie, tell her there was a person out there, who was sweet and kind and wonderful. Who would put up with her baggage, her batshit. Who would actually love Amber for Amber. Barry. Only to snatch him away, made more sense than...this.

Eyes drying and bodies separating, Amber was cold, empty. Pushing her palms into the floor, she scooted back a little. Afraid to ask her question. Afraid of the answer.

“Barry, are you…” Amber folded in on herself, voice a shattered peep. “Going to hurt me now?”

“Oh Amber,  _ no… _ ” Extending his arm, Amber pulled away, breath held. Fresh tears stung as Barry withdrew. “No. I would never do that. Never ever, okay? I…” Barry shifted until he leaned against the bed. “I’ll just sit here. And you can call the cops. If you…” Folding his lips under, Barry clasped his hands, knuckles white. “You don’t have to stay. If you don’t want to talk to them, just…” Voice tremulous, Barry looked to the ceiling, blinking. “I promise I wont run or anything, but, um…” Sniffing, Barry swallowed and closed his eyes. “Could you…” Barry clenched his teeth, the muscle in his sculpted jaw flickering as tears rolled. “I know you don’t want to, and I shouldn’t ask, but…” Swiping the moisture from his face, Barry couldn’t hold back the sob. “Could you kiss me? Just...just once.” Barry shook his head, gasping. “I’m sorry. Just...just a little one. Please I…” 

Lowering his hands, Barry’s eyes, oceans of grief ringed by a reef of pleading red met Amber’s. “To take with me.”

Amber stared at him in silence. Barry let his head fall. “Yeah…” Blinking, Barry nodded. “Okay, I...I’m sorry. It...it was fucked up to ask you that.” Barry crossed his firm arms, gaze on the floor and whispering. “I’m sorry...”

Amber inched toward him. Stopped. Barry looked up. Didn’t dare move, speak. Shifting closer, Amber raised tentative fingers, cupping his stubbled cheek. Leaning in, Barry held still as she touched her lips to his, quivering of his mouth interrupting the kiss and every inch of his skin screaming at Barry to take her hand, stroke her hair, embrace her body before he never again had the opportunity.

But as she sat back, Barry knew the last thing he wanted to do was make this nightmare last a second longer for her than necessary. “Thank you.” Barry nodded, swallowing. “Alright, um...you can, you can call then and I’ll just…” Drawing his knees up to his chest, Barry made himself as small as possible. “Yeah…”

Quiet, Amber stared at the opposite wall. Noticed there were deep cracks within, Barry apparently never chose to call the landlord to fix them. Content to live with the flaw. Decorating around it. “Barry, I…” It sounded to her as though someone else were speaking at first, as though Amber were listening to a recording. “I don’t think I want to do that.”

“What?” Barry lifted his head, blinking over at Amber’s still form.

“I know…” Swallowing, Amber could feel the weight of her own hands on her knees, the pressure of the floorboards beneath her folded legs. One of her tank tops straps was coming down. She should fix that. “I know it’s crazy.” Head nodding slowly, Amber’s brow furrowed. “I know I’m crazy.” Mouth settling into a flat line, Amber exhaled audibly. “But…” Looking to Barry, her gaze held resolve, and Barry was afraid to hope, but maybe even, love. “I don’t want you to go.”

“You...you don’t?” Barry’s voice eked out, studying her face. Amber shook her head. “But…” Looking at the inches of floor between them, Barry sniffed. “So...what are you going to do?”

Shifting, Amber swallowed. “Can...will you tell me more about it? What, um…” Her eyes went to the bag of guns. “What you do?”

Barry cleared his throat, pushing his palms into the floor. “What do you want to know?”

Fingers folded, Amber’s knuckles whitened. “Barry, do you, um…” Inhaling sharply, she resisted the urge to move away from him again. “Do you...like it? Do you like…” Amber bit her lip, meeting Barry’s eyes and terrified of what she might find. “Get off on it?”

“No.” Barry hurriedly shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I really…” Mouth tight, Barry sighed. “I really hate it, actually.”

Tilting her head, Amber’s auburn waves tumbled. “Then why do you do it?”

Barry raised a broad shoulder. “Well, when I came back to the States, I...well, I was in a bad place. And F--...this guy I work for he, he said what I did in the Marines could be useful here, so…” Shifting his eyes, Barry’s mouth ticked to the side. “But I...I want to stop, I just…” Barry shook his head, looking down at his feet. “I don’t think I’m good at anything else.”

“Oh Barry, I…” Amber held up a hand, but let it fall. “I don’t think that’s true at all. If you want to stop. You should.”

Barry nodded and went quiet. Face crumpling, he squirmed. “I...I don’t know how, I…” Shaking his head, Barry licked his lips as he wept. “It’s...it’s so hard.”

“Okay.” Amber spoke softly. “Well, I...one thing at a time. These, um…” Telling herself to stop looking to the bag, Amber chose to focus on her hands instead. “The people you...your hits or whatever, are…” Mouth hanging open, Amber’s brain hopelessly groped for the right words. “How…after…” Barry knit his dark eyebrows together and she sighed. “How do you do it?”

Cobalt eyes sliding to the bag of guns, Barry tilted his head. “Um...I...I don’t think you really want details beyond, you know…”

“No, I mean…” Swallowing, Amber’s nose flared. “How do you handle that? That you’re…” Green eyes searching, Amber’s voice fell. “Killing people?”

“Oh.” Barry smiled sadly. “I don’t think I really do all that well, to be honest.” Touching the floor in between them, Barry nodded. “You help.” Amber looked up at him, eyes wide. “No, I mean, just…before...before we met things were really dark, and, I, um…” Wrapping his arms around his knees, Barry’s dark blue eyes slid toward the guns, trying to push away the memories of all those nights when his mouth got too close, his finger too tight. “I was in a really bad place, so...but now, with you it’s…” Barry bobbed his head, swallowing. “You make me feel like I…matter.” Looking to the ceiling, Barry exhaled. “Amber, you...when I’m with you, sometimes, I…” Barry’s sapphire gaze locked into hers, face soft. “When I’m around you, you make me forget I’m a monster.”

Amber blinked. Rested her hand on top of Barry’s. “You’re not…”

Barry hesitantly flipped his palm and Amber interlaced their fingers. They sat in silence for what seemed like a long time, sound of a far off lawnmower purring through the shut window, a neighbor’s door closing down the hall. 

“What now?” Barry murmured. He didn’t want to ask, but Barry knew as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t spend eternity sitting on his floor holding Amber’s hand, waiting for the inevitable.

Amber combed her red locks out of her face, pushing herself up. Extending her fingers, Barry stared at them in question for a moment before taking Amber’s hand and standing. Amber quietly climbed onto the bed. Following with trepidation, Barry balanced himself on the opposite edge as Amber peeled her shirt overhead, stripping off her panties before staring at him.

Barry nodded. Disrobing, he sat beside her, looking at the sheets. Shuffling toward him, Amber caressed Barry’s cheek, catching his mouth.

Both big hands grasping her face with a whimper, Barry rolled Amber back onto the mattress and her legs opened beneath him. Amber reached between them, guiding Barry’s half hard cock to the lips of her pussy and nodding urgently. Giving himself a couple of pumps while he licked feverishly into her mouth, Barry joined himself to Amber with a groan.

Fingers fisted in his dark tendrils, Amber locked her limbs around Barry’s broad frame, needing to feel his weight, his size, his presence on top, inside. Moaning into his mouth as she crashed her hips against him, Amber clawed over Barry’s pale skin, holding herself up, anxious for every point of contact.

Barry’s powerful arms crept beneath her, one cradling her head while the other went to the small of her back, pounding forward with frantic desperation. Lips leaving as she let out a high note, Barry buried himself against Amber’s ear, voice a begging fountain of need.

“Please…” Barry hammered his massive cock inside of her, gripping Amber near. “Please don’t leave me.” Mouth moving over Amber’s neck, Barry kissed, licked, nipped, harried in his attempt to absorb her, unsure if this was the last time, his last chance. “Please stay.” Circle of his strong arms tightening, Barry dug his toes into the mattress, rocketed forward. “Stay with me.”

Amber tried to inhale. Her lungs wouldn’t expand. “Barry…” She gasped, patting the back of his head. “Too tight…” 

“Fuck, sorry…” Loosening his grasp, Barry looked into Amber’s face, green eyes heavy and mouth panting, and he didn’t trust himself not to try and swallow her with his tall body again. Barry rolled them over, clamping over Amber's hip and dragging her against himself as his fingers went between her thighs to rush over her clit. 

Amber folded forward, scooping Barry to herself, sharing breath as the quaking overcame her body. “I’m right here.” Catching his lips, Amber nodded insistently, balancing their foreheads together as she suppressed a shriek. “I’m...I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Barry hooked a firm arm over her back, heels planted in the sheets as he barreled into her recklessly. “ _ Amber! Amber! Yes! I love you! Yes! Amber!” _

“ _ Barry!” _ Hopelessly kissing his parted pink lips, Amber’s voluptuous body shook as his frenetic humping jostled her and her thighs squeezed his midsection. “ _ Barry! Fuck! I love you! Yes! Don’t stop!” _

Barry sat up, rapidly pulsing Amber in his lap as his big hands curled over her shoulders and his whimpers turned to sobs. “Amber…” Petting over her crimson hair, Barry shoved himself inside of her, cheeks wet and voice shaking. “ _ Amber, thank you. Yes! I love you so much. Amber! Amber!”  _

Barry froze, breath held, continuing to yank Amber’s body down over his throbbing cock until, with a mighty whoosh of air, he tumbled them back, driving deep into Amber’s pussy and filling her with hot cum. “ _ Amber...Amber _ …” Whining his way through the syllables of her name, Barry held onto Amber, shuddering as he kissed his way back to her mouth.

Amber inhaled Barry’s sweat, his skin, reveling in the rich, unctuous notes that comprised his spirit. Hands cascading over Barry’s solid shoulders, his strong arms, Amber molded herself against him, Barry’s exhalations, the grit of his cheek, reassuring on her skin.

“I love you, Barry.” Amber whispered as the rise and fall of built chest, Barry’s little belly lifted her into the air and she continued to twitch around his softening cock. “We’ll figure this out.”

Barry nodded against her, rubbing Amber’s back. “I love you, too.” And though Barry couldn’t fathom precisely what the future held, he breathed in gratitude that he wouldn’t be facing it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all who have stuck by this series. I truly loved writing it. I appreciate everyone who took the time to read and comment <3
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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